


I'm not like you

by Cellandning



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Shiro thinks he can balance two relationships, a little bit crude langunage is some parts, he dosen't mean to hurt anyone, is this angst or light angst?, polyamory shiro, spoiler he can't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-04 21:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13373406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cellandning/pseuds/Cellandning
Summary: Shiro, unlike his boyfriend Lance, is poly and gotten (with his first boyfriends blessing) another boyfriend, Keith. Shiro is so swept up in the excitement over a new relationship that he doesn't notice he isn't as good at balancing having two partners as he thought he was. Lance, in turn, was never good at pointing out when something was hurting him in the first place, and he wasn’t going to start now.





	1. Chapter 1

Love is like motivation. Even in the best circumstances it can cool. When the love slowly stops burning with the intensity of a flame the real work begins. Suddenly those tiny pet peeves isn't so ignorable anymore; their faults not as charming anymore.

Lance wouldn't say his and Shiro's relationship had gotten to that point yet, but they were close, and it scares Lance shitless. He isn’t given the time to work through it though. Isn’t given the opportunity to adapt to the new phase of their relationship. 

Shiro sits him down one day. He looks nervous and that’s making Lance nervous in turn. A fear Lance didn’t realised he had was answered when Shiro said, with a slight blush on his face, “remember when you asked me out and I said I was poly?”. Lance could only nod. He had know this might happened one day. Somewhere deep within him he had just hoped it  _ wouldn’t _ . “There’s this guy at the gym, his names Keith and…”.

While Shiro talked about this  _ Keith  _ Lance felt numb. His high school insecurities popping up again and saying  _ long time no see, missed ya~ _ . But no! Lance was good enough, he hasn’t done anything wrong! Shiro loves him! He just… loves someone else too. 

Things are going to change but change is good. They’ll work through this together. “I just want to make sure you’re ok with this Lance. I don’t want you to think I’m cheating on you or anything”. “It’s ok Shiro. I know what I signed on for”. Shiro gave him that smile that never failed to make Lance spine turn to jelly. “Thank you Lance. That means the world to me”. Lance instantly stomps away the thought that getting his blessing to go out with  _ Keith _ means the world to Shiro and not Lance  _ himself _ . He blames it on the nervousness and smiles back.

Lance entire being went cold and he hate himself that it’s over something as trivial as a facebook status.  _ Takashi “Shiro” Shirogane no longer in a relationship with Lance McClain. Takashi “Shiro” Shirogane is in a relationship with Keith Kogane. _ Lance walks out from the kitchen, where he had sat up his laptop, to the living room. “Babe, when did you change your facebook?”. Shiro looked up from the sofa, some kind on cooking show running on the TV. “You mean the relationship thing? Day before yesterday. Keith have never had anyone to add that with and was so excited about it. It was really cute”. 

Shiro looked backed over to the TV. Thinking that the conversation was over. “Yeah, but know it says you broke up with me on everyone's’ feeds”. Shiro quickly turned around, shock clear on his face. “Wait, I shared it? Shit, I didn’t mean to do that. I’m not good with facebook. You know I would write both of you as my boyfriends if I could”.

Shiro did later comment on the post that he was in a polygamous relationship with the both of them. Lance didn’t tell him that he could’ve put Lance under family member. What was the point anyway, It wouldn’t have been the same thing. Regardless, the strength of a relationship isn’t measured through things like facebook. Lance told himself he was just overreacting, everything was fine.

Lance had been looking toward to Shiro’s birthday. If anyone asked it was because he loved to pamper his amazing boyfriend, but the truth was a little more selfish. Lance had barely seen Shiro as of late. Either Shiro was over at Keith’s or he came home late and left early.

First Shiro’s work had been hectic, then he and Keith went for a weekend getaway and after that Shiro went and visited his parents. In between all this Lance had had to work late from time to time. The past weeks a rushed “Good morning, gotta hurry, bye” and an occasional “I’m home, going to bed. Good night” was the extent of their interactions.

Lance had made a three course dinner as a birthday surprise for Shiro. Sashimi for a starter, a nice steak for the main course and a proper cake for desert. He had asked for recipes and tips from Hunk and was really proud of his accomplishments. Now all he needed was the man of the evening. He sent away a quick text asking when Shiro was coming home. Soon his phone buzzed and Lance picked it up with an excited smile. A smile that was instantly swept away by disappointment. “Sorry sweetheart but I have to work overtime today”.

Lance wasn’t going to deny that he felt bitter, even if he knew that this wasn’t Shiro’s fault. He answered with “I threw away the sashimi. It’s gonna go bad before you get home. There’s dinner on the table and cake in the fridge. Happy Birthday”. He knew it was low of him to send that. He could’ve put the sashimi back in the fridge, it would be ok until tonight. He could’ve added a smiley to change the passive aggressive tone of the text but he was bitter and sad and tired, so, so very tired. 

He heard his phone buzz again but he didn’t look this time. Instead he turned of his phone and went to bed early. When he woke up he was alone in the bed. On his bedside table was a note. “Sorry, for coming home late. Cake was delicious. Thank you <3”. The note would've have been lovely to wake up to if it had ended there. It didn’t. “Keith said he had something for me. Staying at his tonight. Love you”.

Lance had anxiously been waiting for Shiro to come over when his phone buzzed. At some point it had gone from  _ come home  _ to  _ come over  _ in Lance’s mind and he had started to dread getting texts. Always in fear of another canceled evening. Today, though, it was different. Today they’ll finally have a proper dait since Keith joined the picture.

It was their two years anniversary and they had planned an amazing evening with dinner and a romantic walk by the beach and just spending some quality time with each other. The days leading up to tonight had been the best these past weeks and given Lance hope again. Shiro has spent actual time with him! Granted it was mostly for planing tonight, checking with work that they would be free today and booking the table at their favorite restaurant, but it was still time spent just the two of them.

Lance picked up his phone and red the text. His eyes widened and his hand clasped over his mouth. He read the text over and over again, more tears streaming down his face for every reread. 

“Sorry babe but I gotta cancel tonight. Keith surprised me with movie tickets and I don’t want him to feel like he’s done something wrong by saying no. You know how he never takes the initiative in things like these. See you tomorrow. Sorry again. Love you <3”. Lance doesn't know what hurts the most. The fact that Shiro canceled their anniversary dinner because he didn't want to hurt Keith’s feelings or that he seems to have forgotten Lance is going out of town tomorrow.

Lance just stands there, silently, tears streaming down his face. He knows this is it. The turning point. Either Shiro needs to notice what he’s doing or Lance needs to say something. Lance realise he probably should’ve said something sooner. Maybe even as far back as the beginning when Shiro asked for his blessing, but he didn’t want to lose Shiro, or for Shiro to think Lance didn’t accept who he was.

Lance thinks that getting some time alone while on his work trip would do him good. That it would let him take a step back and look things over with a fresh mindset. Instead he had been left to brew in his own insecurities and grief. Every argument for why Shiro might do this to him passed his mind except for the idea that Shiro might just be a bit naive in how hard balancing two relationship can be smashed together with bad circumstances.

_ Lance wasn’t enough. Lance was just a side thing. Lance had done something wrong. Lance had done nothing wrong but Keith was just that much better than him _ . Lance wasn’t strong enough to stomp these thoughts away this time.

Lance understood, in a way. He remembers when he just started going out with Shiro. The freshness and excitement of it all. How they said no to get togethers with friends to spend with each other instead. The difference now though was that back then it's was only the two of them, not a forgotten third wheel in the mix. 

The proper way to deal with this was to ask Shiro to come home. For them to sit down and talk through this. Lance would say how he felt neglected and Shiro would apologise. Then nothing would change. Lance felt this in his heart. They've been together four two years and Shiro would rather spend their special day with his new boy toy than with him.

There were no tears when Lance packed his bags. No words of anger. He had shed his share of tears on their anniversary and shouted his throat sore the following week.

Four days. That's how long it took for Shiro to notice Lance was gone. Lance self esteem took another blow with how invisible he is to Shiro now. If he had sent that “we need to talk text” to Shiro like he had, for a short second, thought about doing he would’ve learned that that wasn’t the case. 

Shiro was with Keith during the sunday and had assumed Lance would come home late when he failed to show on monday, that he missed him leaving for work tuesday morning and that Lance would be late again. On wednesday Shiro sends “When you're coming home? :)”.

When Lance reads the text it reminds him of how little they’ve talked to each other face to face these past weeks. He doesn't answer. He gets a few more texts but he doesn't open them. Eventually his phones rings. He doesn't answer then either. 

Suddenly Barney the Dinosaur  _ I love you  _ song starts playing from his phone. It’s the special ringtone he picked out for Hunk. Hunks play  _ We’re all in this together _ whenever Lance rings. This time he answers. 

Shiro probably contacted Hunk when Lance wouldn’t answer but Hunk could also need something. Lance would never ignore his best friend. “Hey man” says Lance with a defeated tone. He’s too tired to pretend everything is fine anymore. “Hey buddy. Everything ok with you? Just got a panicked call from Shiro. He says you don’t answer your phone and that he hasn’t seen you for a couple of days now”. Lance snorts. “Oh, it’s been far longer than that”. Defeat leaves wake for irritation. So  _ now  _ Shiro notice his gone. Not the week he was away with work, no, but the days he’s not playing housewife for a barely there Shiro.

“Everything ok between you two?”. It’s not like a dam wall bursting. It’s more like pouring water on a grease fire, instant flames. “NO! Things are not ok! He dares say it’s not cheating when he turns me down everytime I ask him out just so he can run and be with his new, better boyfriend! He dare say he loves me when he avoids coming home like the plague!”. 

Lance wants to sound furious but somewhere he had started to cry again. He had let this wound fester and now when he finally allowed himself to talk about it he couldn’t stop. “He dares to… to act worried now when we’ve barely talk to each other lately. He dares to pretend to care WHEN HE CANCELED OUR ANNIVERSARY TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH KEITH!”.

Lance took a shuddering breath and then cried freely. He really should've brought this up sooner. At least to Hunk. Even if it hadn’t fixed anything it felt good to have finally told someone about it. “Lance, were are you?”. Hunks tone was so calm and soothing. Trust in Hunk to be a mountain in a shitstorm like this. “At my sisters apartment”, “I’m coming over Lance. I don’t know what’s happened but Shiro is honestly worried about you”. Lance snorts again, ready to disagree but Hunk continues. “He is, I truly think so. Is it ok if I tell him you’re safe but don’t want to talk right now?”. It was a pause before Lance answered with a quiet “yes”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to get another chapter. I just don't know it it's going to be fluffy and end in shklance, alternatively Shiro learning to balance having to seperate partners; or in even more angst with a break up. Either way Lance and Shiro are finally going to sit down and talk.


	2. NOT A CHAPTER, JUST NEWS, SORRY

Like the title says, this is just a news update, sorry for getting your hopes up.

I'm in the middle of writing my bachelor thesis. I have a deadline the 9th of feburary but after that I got a bit more freetime. Most of the chapter is written already but I need to fix a few mistakes and write a little bit more on it. Please be patient and know that this fic is not dead, the secound part will be out soon (ish).

Edit 22/02-2018: New chapter written and added :)


	3. Chapter 2

Lance told Hunk everything. Every canceled evening, every night alone, even the whole Facebook thing. He sat bundled up in Hunk’s arms and cried into his shoulder. When Lance became a bit more steady Hunk left him cocooned in his sister’s fluffiest blanket and started working on dinner.

The apartment was small so you could clearly see in to the living room from the kitchen. Hunk turned around after finishing cutting up some onions and asked “Will you sister join us?”. Lance shook his head and pulled the blanket closer around him. “she's on vacation with a couple of friends, but she said I could use her apartment whenever if I really needed to". “Alright, then I can make the Garrett-McClain late night study special without feeling guilty". A small smile spread on Hunk’s lips when Lance, even in his grief, perked up at that.

The dinner was far from healthy but Lance felt a microscopic bit better and for that he was grateful. He looked up from his food to say something when he saw that look on Hunk’s face. The one that says _I'm sorry, but I have to do this for you own good_. Lance looked back down to his bowl, waiting for the inevitable. “Lance, you know you got to talk to him right?”. Lance sighed and took another bite. It says something about Hunk’s cooking when not even bringing up shitty boyfriends can ruin your appetite. “Yeah, I know”.

There was a pause before Lance continued, curiosity getting the better of him, “Did he really sound worried?”. Hunk nodded and made the mhmm-sound while he finished chewing a bite. He swallowed and said “You don't look to happy about that". Lance finally lost his appetite. “It means he doesn't have a clue why I left”.

Lance didn't feel composed enough to talk with Shiro the day after but he finally pulled himself together decently enough the day after that. Enough at least to bring himself to talk to Shiro. He went back home but didn't bring his bags with him. If push came to shove he wasn't going to roll over and let Shiro have the apartment but he wasn’t ready to move back in while Shiro was still there.

Lance opened the front door, took of his jacket and shoes and walked into the living room. He was nervous, heartbroken and a bit scared but that all changed to ice cold hate. Shiro looked up from the couch where Keith sat with his arm over Shiro’s shoulder. If they had been cuddling or Keith had been comforting Shiro Lance didn't know, and frankly he didn't care.

At the sound of Lance footsteps Shiro looked up, eyes widening and clearly shiny from unshed tears. “Lance-", “Get out". Lance was staring right at Keith, never breaking eye contact. His voice was rough and and so cold it burned. Confused Keith looked from Shiro to Lance and then back to Shiro. Shiro held a gaze with Keith until he turned to Lance, “babe, what's going on?”. “First, don't _babe_ me, not after what you’ve done. Second, I don't want _your_ boyfriend in _my_ apartment". “What, I? Not? What? Your? Don't you meen ours?”. Lance practically growled “you actually have to stay here longer than one day a week to call it yours, Shiro".

Shiro's face fell. He was starting to get an idea of what was happening. He asked Keith to leave the two of them alone. Keith, ever blind to social courtesy, kissed Shiro on the cheek and left without a word to Lance.

Lance wanted to scream _so, you fucked here too? While I was out you were laughing behind my back and painting our sheets in his cum and sweat._ He knew that wasn't true though, he knew Shiro wasn't actually going behind his back. Shiro had simply neglected him and not realized he had done it. At this moment Lance doesn't know what would've hurt less, Shiro not liking him anymore and rather being with only Keith or Shiro still loving him but yet somehow not seeing him hurting right beside him.

When Lance hears the front door shut and, did he just hear it lock? He instantly looks up in the direction of the door with a furrowed brow. For once in all this mess Shiro seems to realise at least one of his mistakes. “I… I gave him one of our spare keys. I wanted him to know he always has a safe space here, but I should've told you when I did it. I'm sorry". Lance looked back at Shiro, fury in his eyes. “No you should've _asked_ if you could give him one of _our_ keys because we own this apartment _together_ . Not that you act like it seeing how you're _never here_!”.

Where Lance’s voice was dark and loud Shiro kept a calm tone, “I know and I'm sorry ba-". At Lance’s glare he shut his mouth. Shiro looked like a kicked puppy. Once Lance could never say no to that face but now he just scoffed. “What's this about Lance?”.

“When was the last time you and I went on a proper date?”. When Shiro opened his mouth to answer Lance held up a finger. “ _Not_ sitting at home and watching a move and then going to sleep, but an actual date at a restaurant or park". Shiro was ready to answer again but not sound left his lips. He furrowed his brows in concentration, thinking back over the past weeks. “Two…? No, three weeks ago?”.

“Wrong, four weeks ago. How many dates have you've been with Keith this month?”. Shiro gave Lance a confused look, “I don't know, three?”. “That's right. How often have we had sex this month?”, “Lance, what's the meaning of this?”, “answer the question!”, “I don't know!”, “NONE! Now how often have you banged Keith this week alone!”.

“Lance!”. Shiro shot up from the couch. He wasn't more than half a head taller than Lance but with his bulk and broad shoulders he felt towering. “What has this to do with anything!? What has this to do with you going missing all of a sudden!?”. Lance deflated, anger leaving him for the time being, but he still felt it bubbling deep within him.

They were both panting from all the screaming. Shiro took a deep breath and reached out to Lance, gently placing a hand on the others bicep. “Sweetie, what's actually eating you?”. Hurt filled Shiro's eyes when Lance shrugged of his hand and took a step back. “Your barely home Shiro. You're either at work or with Keith. You spend all your time with him and none with me. You _canceled_ our anniversary to go to the _movies_ with him. I would say I've gone from boyfriend to side bitch now but that requires you to actually _touch_ me".

Shiro looked at Lance with chock and sadness on his face. “What, Lance no! You're not a, a side whatever! You're my boyfriend and I love you!”. Lance finally met Shiro's eyes, a rooted tiredness showing clearly in them. “Then why did you throw me aside?”.

Shiro pulled his fingers through his hair, panic started to spread through him. What he wanted to do more than anything was to kiss and hug that exhaustion out of Lance features, but he knew that wouldn't be welcomed right now. “I would never throw you away Lance, ok? I love you. Everything was just so new and exciting with Keith. I…”. Lance was getting tired of excuses. “That doesn't give you a free pass to ignore me!”. “Of course it doesn't! I didn't mean to!”, “yet you did it anyway!”.

“I'm sorry!”. Silence fell on them again. Shiro lowered his arms and sat back down on the couch. “Why didn't you say something sooner” pleaded shiro. “I don't know ok!? Why didn't you notice you spent all your time either with Keith or at work?!”. Where Shiro had calmed down again Lance was clearly still burning. Shiro was instantly up from the couch again. This was quickly starting to become too much for the both of them. Neither of them knew if they should cling on or let go.

“You worked too! And we did spend time together! I love wishing you good morning and just enjoying your presence at breakfast!” Lance sighed and hung his head. Keith had gotten a weekend trip, he got ‘I enjoy your presence’. As if just being near Shiro in silence is suppose to be enough.

The silence stretched on. The ball was in Lance’s hands now. Shiro’s expresion a silent plea for Lance to understand, eyes still shining with unshed tears. Finally Lance spoke, with a broken, defeated tone which only spiked Shiro’s panic further. “Do you love me?”. A string of _what have I done to make him ask that?_ rang trough Shiro’s head when he, with what he hoped was a reassuring tone, answered “of course I do. You know I do. That I love Keith doesn't mean I ever stopped loving you”.

Slowly Lance looked up from the ground. Shiro didn’t know what he expected but it wasn't the solid rage in those beautiful eyes he so adored. Lance didn’t raise his voice but his word still rang through the quiet apartment as if he had spoken through a microphone. “Then why did you cancel our anniversary to be with Keith?”.

Shiro was still a bit confused about where all this hostility was coming from but he realised that he needed to choose his words carefully. He pulled his fingers through his hair again and took a deep breath. “Lance… Keith have had a rough life with bad foster homes and being bullied back in school. He has a hard time being comfortable enough do something as spontaneous as getting movie tickets and then asking me to come with. I want to encourage him opening up more so I couldn't say no”.

If the circumstances would’ve been different Shiro would have laughed at the dead pan, not-impressed-with-your-bullshit look Lance was giving him right now. “So you love us both but Keith's feelings come first, is that it?”. Shiro’s eyebrows practically shot up to his hairline and he just gaped at Lance for a second. “No! Of course not! Both of-”, “Then why CANCEL ON OUR ANNIVERSARY!?”, “It's just a date Lance! I doesn't determine how long we'll last or how much we love each other!”. Shiro’s patience was quickly falling falling apart. Here he had been worried out of his mind when Lance had been nowhere to been found and when Lance finally comes home without Shiro having heard a word from him for almost three days he starts shouting at him out of nowhere.

Whatever patience Lance might’ve had was long gone. “I've become your fucking side bitch Shiro! You go on date after date with Keith while ours get canceled! And now our anniversary isn't important! It was important to you before! Or was that fake too like everything else!?”.  Something snapped within Shiro. Vague memories of bullies and partners accusing his sexuality, his love, for being fake and wrong and just another word for cheating bubbled in the back of his mind. “NOTHING was fake Lance! I'm poly Lance! It means sharing love equally between several people!”, “well my table scraps sure as hell can't measure up to the amount you've given Keith! Maybe you're not as poly as you thought!”,  “or maybe you can't handle being with someone who's poly!?”.

Lance furious face instantly goes cold and that's the moment Shiro realise he fucked up. He had prided himself in being able to stay calm in stressful situation, _where was that patience now_ he asked himself. Panic and fear painted Shiro’s face but Lance could give less of a fuck. Shiro reached for him but then lowered his hands just to raise them again. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. He just knew he desperately needed to fix this.

“Lance I didn't mea-”, “fuck you Shiro. I gave you my everything and you chewed it up and spit it out.” Shiro finally shed tears, and it wasn’t pretty. He sobbed out “Lance plea-”, You're right”. Shiro furiously shok his head “no, no, no”, Lance just continued as if Shiro wasn’t falling apart in front of him. “I'm not cut out to be with someone who's poly. You go and be with your amazing and super accepting boyfriend”, “no please Lan-”, “ _go_ to Keith’s Shiro. This isn't your home anymore. Not that it _has been_ these past weeks”, “Lance-”, “I said go!”.

Shiro was going to fix this, clearly not today, but he was going to put his all in fixing whatever had been broken. “Let me speak! I'm leaving but I'll be back tomorrow. We both need to calm down”. Shiro waited for a heartbeat, search Lance’s face for something. “And I'm not staying at Keith’s place ok. I… don't think that's wise for now. I'll be at Matt’s”.

Two days went by before they talked with each other again. Pidge forwarded the resurance from Matt that Shiro didn’t meet up with Keith during those days, but he did call him and explaining that Shiro and lance needed to talk a couple of things through. They met up at Lance’s sister’s apartment this time, neutral ground so to speak. They’ve been sitting in a heavy silence the past five minutes, neither knowing where to start in order to untangle this whole mess. Shiro twiddled his thumbs from the armchair while Lance rested his head in his hand on the couch.

Lance eventually let out a sigh and sat up straighter. “Our argument yesterday, it made me realise something”. Shiro sat up too at those words, fearing what Lance would say next. “You were right, even if you didn't put it in the best way.” Ice crawled from Shiro’s stomach up his spine. Of all the things he had thought Lance would say it wasn’t that. Before Shiro could disagree Lance continued in the sam detached tone. “I love you Shiro. Despite all this, I love you and if this was an argument about anything else I would give it my all to make this work again. But the truth is that I'm monogamous Shiro and I'm not ok with you dating someone else”. Shiro looked down at his palms, droplets of tears falling on his calluses. The drops landing in his right hand sliding along his prosthesis.

Lance was quiet for a heartbeat which made Shiro look up. Between his tears Shiro saw Lance’s broken simile and griefful gaze. “Trust me, I thought I were. I thought I understood the concept of polygamy and accepted it, but if I'm honest with myself, I don't think I do”. Lance moved his gaze to a family photo on the coffee table. “I love all my siblings but that's a family love. I love Hunk and Pidge but that's a platonic love. All my life I've only had romantic feelings for one at a time and none have been as strong as they are for you. The fact that you love someone other than me, I… I can't live with that. Every time you'll walk out that door to be with Keith I'll feel like shit. I'm sorry Shiro but I… I can't do this. I can't be with you as long as you have other boyfriends besides me”.

Shiro made an attempt at wiping his tears but seeing how they were still flowing it was futile. “I love you too Lance. Even after all this please believe me on that, I love you. But I”, Shiro voice broke, “I love Keith too. I am poly, that’s a fact”. Shiro took a shuddering breath, “I can’t deny that side of me”.

Lance got up and crouched in front of Shiro. He took Shiro’s hands in his and made a soothing motion with his thumbs on the back of Shiro’s hands. “And I would never want you to Shiro. Being poly is as big of a part of you as you being Japanese-American or you being a closet dork”. Shiro made a undignified hiccup noise that they both knew was a little laugh. The corners of Shiro’s mouth raised just enough to form a tiny watery smile. Lance took a steding breath, Shiro squeezed Lance’s hands. They both knew what was coming next but it had to be said out loud. “I just don’t think we will work out in the long run”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a few of you wanted a happy ending. How about you write a fluff or a mild angst with happy ending prompt in the comments and the one that catches my eye the most I'll write a one shot of? Shance pairng of course XP . Sounds fair? ^^"


End file.
